keep that fat, bitch!

If you know me well, you know that I am certainly not one of those women who enjoy losing a rapid amount of weight. I've been now three days to three different stores to purchase some new jeans.  I regretfully have to say that I have not been successful. I have been apprehensive about purchasing yet again, another pair of jeans, only to lose more weight and not be able to fit into them. This is horse shit.  Nothing but a big piece of steaming horse shit! 

Forgive my rant about the fact that to every other female in the world thinks, I'm absolutely bananas. I'm not against women who are morbidly obese to not lose weight but I'm thinking now everyday that if you are satisfied with your look and body image (and health reasons aside) keep that fat girl. I have been trying to eat more and mentally set myself up to have more of an appetite but I'm finding it increasingly more and more annoying the more I lose. 

Aside from my current loss of self.  Everything seems to be going swimmingly. Humor helps in times like these.  If losing weight is my only complaint about my life right now, my life must be pretty good. Oh that and I keep going diarrhea every fucking morning.  That shit is nasty.  Literally. 

"Oh God what perfectly awesome dude wouldn't want to get with this?" I ask myself sometimes... and then I think "no wonder I'm single." 

colunga.

roaming lanes of cactus trees, orphaned cats and a lone chicken eating scraps, there grow the orange trees towering higher than the one storied house. Or so it was. 

when i was young, there lived a man and woman, quick with words and swift with hands, today they roam their home soft and slow, holding their arms out for an escort that never comes. they hear someone whispering in their ears telling them, it just isn't time to go.

at night the wind grows colder and the breeze traveling through the open windows fill the home with sweet memories of children laughing in the distance. and so the story goes, when they never come to see them anymore.

life goes easy on, take me home.

we'll do what mary and joseph did...without the kid.

when to call it quits.

I've fallen in love yet again for a person that with all respect reminds of an honest asshole of years past.  There's something to be said about when a regular person becomes famous merely for being themselves and those who strive to be more in this world, constantly find that they will never be anything more than a hopeless dreamer. I've often considered myself to be one of the famous lucky assholes. This often happens when people like me are bored and find pleasure in the sick lives of others and write about them for money.

So, who is the lucky bastard you say? None only then Jason Mulgrew a fellow (and mind you, absolutely more successful blogger) who has a blog entitled "Everything is wrong with me."  The blog is genius! 

I never said once in aforementioned paragraph about him being in love with me, so like previous relationships, this one is once again "one sided."  I've had the pleasure of reading his book which is also entitled "Everything is wrong with me." 

Reading one of his older posts today and I couldn't help but laugh out loud. 

Somewhere, probably in a bachelor apartment in Silver Lake or Hollywood, a 30-something with an MFA in Writing for Screen & Television from USC is grilling his last bologna sandwich on the hot plate in his kitchenette, putting food in his cat’s bowl one last time, burning all of his spec scripts, and preparing to hang himself in the bathroom. 

The truth of the situation is that there are people in this world just like the young man that Jason is speaking of.  Not too far off from myself or as far as I can admit. 

I think I fell in love with him based on his "about me," section on his blog which of course is too long and hilarious to post, but some of it reads:
For over 70 years, Jason Mulgrew has been entertaining audiences in the United States, Europe, and Latin America (except in Guatemala, where Jason can no longer appear, because of an on-going investigation stemming from a bizarre sex-slay in which he was allegedly involved in 1989). His keen and clever observations about what it’s like to be a Greek-American transgender Jew in Depression-Era New York City have kept people rolling in the aisles since 1930, when early in his youth he learned he could use his abnormally large scrotum -

What's not to love.  Seriously?  Or should I just call it quits?

J.Crew

Today Anna and I got to go to the J.Crew Warehouse sale!  Watch out too many beautiful items of clothes and very little time!  Thank goodness I made off with some fantastic classic pieces.  whew!  Loved it though.  It's a dirty job but somebody has to do it.  

P.S.  I love my boots they retail online for 298.00 but I got them for 35.00. yeah.

grizzly bear, st. vincent, xylos

why try to change me now...

I'm currently sitting once again at Ellwood's Coffee and because of all the lack of seating inside I've decided to pop a squat outside.  It is in a matter of words lovely outside,  I'm listening to Fionna Apple, sipping green tea with honey and taking deep breaths to lessen my anxiety and nervous stomach.  I love the lyrics of the song which is originally Frank Sinatra, playing now:

I'm sentimental
So I walk in the rain
I've got some habits
Even I can't explain
Go to the corner
I end up in Spain
Why try to change me now

I sit and daydream
I've got daydreams galore
Cigarette ashes
There they go on the floor
Go away weekends
Leave my keys in the door
Why try to change me now

Why can't I be more conventional
People talk
People stare
So I try
But can't be
Cuz I can't see
My strange little world
Just go passing me by

So let people wonder
Let 'em laugh
Let 'em frown
You know I'll love you
Till the moon's upside down
Don't you remember
I was always your clown
Why try to change me now

you know I love you til the moon's upside down...

wardrobe.

I love Jeana Sohn's blog already, but recently I've been loving her more and more with her recent pieces on some of her close friends in the fashion/art industry. The photo shoots are absolutely breath-taking and inspire me to up my wardrobe.