Perhaps it was the bag of *Utz's Salt and Vinegar chips that I ate for dinner yesterday or the Fr. Frank Pavone's anti-abortion video I decided to watch at work yesterday but lately I've been thinking about what it was like growing up Catholic and what it means that I STILL (though not practicing) describe myself as Catholic.
*I associate the Salt and Vinegar chips with Catholicism merely because of the shape of the actual potato chips: small, round, white chips. They look like small communion wafers. In actuality Venessa and I spent a vast amount of time playing a game that we often referred to as "The Body of Christ." The game consisted of us (in the event of having a bag of potato chips) finding that perfectly shaped chip and holding it up to each other preist-like asking us to accept the Body of Christ. In which case both of us would respond with (naturally) Amen.*
When I made a commitment to become a Catholic fully and without reservations, I felt that the world around me was simple. Much like any other child, I blindly agreed to take the road of my fore fathers and mothers and agreed to a life of rituals and penance. Today, I don't feel at peace and the rituals, I find them to be comforting but often tedious.
My siblings would agree with me, if I said that attending mass these days are 1.) merely to spend time together and 2.) to feel the comfort of going home. I often refer to mass as going home because I feel like I grew up in the church and though my church and I rarely agree, the pillars and religious statues have a sense of comfort and familiarity. Lately I feel no comfort only confusion and pain.
The media hasn't helped, I feel bombarded, violated, angry and resentful to Christian acts of terrorism where I feel that my job and life style is being threatened. I am a avid Pro-Choicer and Catholic, but where do I fit in with both?
I was raised to accept those who differ from me, and through the teachings of Jesus Christ to love all. What happened to all of this? When did it become ok to gain something just by the hurting of others? Any thoughts lovely readers?